FEAR NOT – OBAMA IS NOT THE ANTI CHRIST

Here’s wikipedia’s entry about the Anti Christ.

Apparently, some poor, miguided creature thinks that Obama is the Anti Christ.  I’m not going to go into that here.  The reader can waste their own time googling that one into disproof.  I am going to save all of you the trouble of trying to call Obama the Anti Christ, and also the trouble of defending him from all allegations.  If you are wondering how I’m going to do this it’s actually very simple.  It’s simple because:

I AM THE ANTI CHRIST.

That’s right.  Me.  Litle old me.  I know it sounds ridiculous.  I’m not exactly ruining the world with fiery flying horses, but you have to remember that evil is only as powerful as we let it get by with, and, luckily for you mere mortals, I haven’t had access to too much power.  At most, I had access to an awesome FTP server with a bunch of music.  Rest assured though, that I am the one and ony Anti Christ.  Here’s some examples:

  • Christ healed sick people.  I have NEVER done that.
  • Christ turned water into wine, and made a bunch of fish or something like that.  I have NEVER done that.
  • Christ was conceived immaculately.  My mom, she got banged.
  • Christ had twelve disciples.  I don’t think I have twelve dollars right now.
  • Christ fasted for 40 days and nights.  I have NEVER done that, and I NEVER would.  That sounds stupid.
  • I have had sex with and WITHOUT proper protection.  Pretty wild Anti Christ-like, right?
  • I get super wasted and black out, and when I wake up, everyone hates me.  One more for your boy AC!
  • On more than one occasion, I have put a stun gun in someone’s mouth.  Only AC would do that!
  • I refer to Christianity as mythology, because it is.  AC, baby!!!
  • I insist that the MEN who wrote the bible were idiots, based on the fact that the smartest person alive around then could not be any smarter than the average 15 year old kid  alive now with internet access.  Only AC would say wild things like that!!!

I could go on, but I think that my points make for an iron clad case.  So, leaders of the free and unfree world, “religious” leaders/mythology teachers, and all those that listen: Leave Obama alone.  I’m the one and only Anti Christ, and I will not be mocked.  You shall suffer my wrath, which is usually in the form of my asking you out and a date and trying to get you drunk and have sex with me (in the case of women – men just get beat the fuck up).

Oh, and lighten up – why so serious?

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7 Responses to FEAR NOT – OBAMA IS NOT THE ANTI CHRIST

  1. Eric Holcomb says:

    Credit where it’s due… the water wine thing would work pretty well for both sides Good/Evil debate. I am imagining here though that JC made a nice Cab/Sauv blend and the AC would go more for Reisling (that’s evil shit).

    e.

  2. colleencatherine says:

    niiiiiice. just as good as i thought it would be. but of course, me, coming from that crazy background, let me say, that i still do believe there was some good shit in the bible- not all of it. some wise words and ideas…but i digress.

    i think that’s our phrase for the month: “Why So Serious?!”

  3. Matt Butler says:

    AWESOME! I’m so glad you’re here! I was promised a job when you showed up… 🙂

  4. autrelle says:

    Reisling!!!! LMAO

  5. Elaine says:

    you totally are the anticrist Remember the whole brain washing Alvin to do your dirty work…..AC all the way!

  6. Branden says:

    I miss Autrelle.

  7. ama says:

    thank you for clearing that up for me, my incredibly brilliant friend! actually, deep down,
    i always knew you were the anti christ. love! ama

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