I’m going to do some people a favor.  The some people are the employees of Casbah Cafe.  The favor is I’m going to inform the general public of the best protocol to follow when you go there.  They didn’t ask me to do this, but it seems like everyday someone comes heres and basically blows it.  So, here we go.

  1. 20 percent gratuity.  All of the time.  Really, if you aren’t prepared to do this, you shouldn’t be going out anywhere.  Period.  If your tab is under 10 dollars, you need to step it up from 20 percent and leave at least 3 or 4 bucks.  You will be remembered by this.  Tip poorly and tales will be told of how much you suck.
  2. The reason why it’s so hard to seat you and your 19 friends is because it’s so hard to seat you and your 19 friends.  Period.  Best bet: party of 4 or 5.
  3. Dress the part.  Nothing fancy, but gentlemen must have sleeves.
  4. Don’t be a dick.  This is really important.  I have heard *rumors* that some people that work there have no problem being a dick right back to you.  No, it’s not a sassy server game; they hate you.
  5. I know, there’s mostly Middle Eastern cuisine on the menu.  Duh.  Stop being so under-cultured.
  6. Don’t get shit-faced.  It’s just not classy.  Screaming out in the dining room “Y’all ain’t horny” while being carried out by your friends is not cool, even on your birthday.
  7. Don’t tamper with the hookah.  Seriously.  You’ll just end up ruining it for the rest of us.
  8. There will be a line for the restroom.  Deal.
  9. Patience.  You’re not the only one that wants 8 hookahs for your table, trust me.
  10. Split checks.  You ate together.  Do your best to pay together.
  11. Of course you know the owner.  No one really cares.  You still have to show proper ID.  You still have to pay for your food.  You still have to leave when the place closes.  You know the drill.
  12. Nothing is free.  Period.  You can get all of the pita bread you want.  Just pay for it.
  13. She probably does not want to give you her number.  She most likely does not want yours.
  14. Please don’t ask for “fresh” pita or “hot” french fries.  If you have to ask for something like that, you should not be eating there.  Plus, you sound like a dick.  See number 4.
  15. The black guy at the bar with the laptop, he’s watching you.

Okay?  Okay.