1. Simply playing a list of songs from your iTunes collection will never be satisfactory, ever. It could only be the least informed of venue owners that would ever pay someone to do that. If that’s the case, for a one time fee, I will assemble a playlist for you that will really kick ass. It will consist of the same songs that you already play so that your clients don’t get upset by hearing something new, also maintaining their status as an uninformed consumer.

2. iPod playlist. Two iPods and a mixer. One iPod in a mixer that lets you play tracks on two channels. Let me break this down for you: You can’t deejay with only one iPod, ever. With two iPods and a mixer, you can do some stuff, but, it’s not really the optimal set up. On the mixer that lets you play tracks on two channels from one iPod, there’s potential there. Usually those machines afford options such as pitch control and cueing, so maybe you’re starting to meet a bare minimum as far as deejaying goes, but most of the guys that I have seen using this rig just sit there and play preprogrammed lists while getting blowjobs from 17 year olds.

3. Turntables, CDJ’s, and laptops. You have to remember that deejaying was a product of the discotheque and hip hop cultures. Turntable craft was definitely perfected in the hip hop culture. Both were very diverse. If you watch things like Style Wars, Beat Street, Krush Groove, you’ll see what I mean exactly. We now have the means to replicate every thing that you could do with two turntables and a mixer with specially designed cd players, time encoded vinyl, mp3’s and software. It becomes a matter of skill and practice at this point. Any deejay with access to such things especially if the venue provides them, should be perfecting their art every chance that they get. Anyone can play songs back to back with little to no crossfading or segueway. Really. Anyone. Don’t be the deejay that does something that anyone can do. You won’t be a deejay for long, if you are.

4. You only play want you want to play. That’s fine, dick. It’s not bad if you happen to have stellar taste in music that is appropriate to what the venue wants and what the crowd wants. You do have a responsibility to play things relevant to the enjoyment of your audience. You’re rocking a fucking party, not masturbating over your music collection.

5. You always only play what the crowd wants to hear. So you’re a tool? Fuck you too. What in the fuck does the CROWD know about music that you don’t? You’re supposed to keep up with trends and more than that, introduce new ideas to the dance floor, even if that means playing things that are old but never got a fair shake. All you are doing is creating uninformed consumers who insist that you play the same songs, not because they are good songs, but because they don’t know any better, and they don’t know any better because you taught them this behavior. Nice and recursive, isn’t it?

Summarily: Don’t be a fucking jukebox. Use the right tools for the job. Get your skills up. Don’t be a dick. Don’t be a tool. Don’t create an anticulture of people that don’t know shit about music. Always play what you love. Always respect your audience and your venue. Stay current. Stay relevant.

You know who I like? The whole hip hop hell crew. Paten Locke and all of his crew, Ruff Rob, Basic, and such. Darrel Duke. Nick Fresh. Free. Comic. Blaze. Just saying.